I start measuring my BBT again. It’s low. Really low. Like low 96s. So I know I’m not ovulating. But emotionally I’m feeling better. I’m calmer, less worried. Well, calmer until my husband says I am thinking about this too much. Then I want to scratch him in his face. It’s impossible to not think about this. Every twinge, you hope your period is coming. Every pain, you pray is ovulation. Every commercial you see about babies, you feel sad. But thinking about something and worrying are two different things. I’m not worried anymore. I know this is going to happen. I am just battling with my impatient self.
And in this, I am seeing more about the lesson I am supposed to be learning. Patience, first and foremost. Lack of control. Faith in God and in the Process. What love and support means. How much I love my husband. Self control. Having nerves of steel in dealing with my mother in law. Hope – not the wishing sort of hope, but intentional hope. Meditation and visualization techniques. And yes, some spirituality as well.
I feel more connected to my body than ever. All of the sudden I don’t give a shit about losing another 5 pounds. I just want my body to function the way it should. I don’t care if I’m super skinny like the women at the office. I just want my skin to be clear. I’m no longer under the spell of pasta and carbs. I am saving so much money on alcohol. But I’m also learning self discipline, how to really sacrifice for something I want. And how to not be desperate. Because that shit is for the birds and is so not me. I am learning how important a family is. Because when you can’t have one, it sucks. I am thinking about how much I will love my child when he/she comes. How precious that child will be.
I also vowed to learn what Yin and Yang Energy was, since PinLady was talking about it so much. So I start reading The Infertility Cure by Dr. Randine Lewis, which focuses on alternative medicine specifically. I’m hoping this is not all too good to be true. The book is truly a revelation. It explains acupuncture for fertility in detail, why it works and what to expect. There are sections specifically on PCOS. It’s a great book, and just what I needed.
I picked out some quotes that make me feel better. I jotted them down in a notebook so that I could read them when I feel upset.
“Remember that we are being challenged, not punished.”
“ Our job is to simply be ready when the universe says ‘it’s time.’”
“ We should trust ourselves as much as we trust outside authorities.”
“Heaven and earth and I are living together in inseparable unity.”
“ Stress scatters the Qi.”
“Uterus means ‘palace of the child.’”
I’m not even recognizing myself anymore. I’m feeling more calm and relaxed. My mind is opening up a lot. I’m feeling blessed for the first time in a long time.
PROGRESS: Physically none. Spiritually, a lot. Reduced stress. More centered.
LESSONS LEARNED: There is a spiritual aspect to all of this. Mothers and Husbands are great people to have in your corner. The more information, the better.
F!@$ You Infertility! 
I’m so happy to read about your success with acupuncture. You’re approaching it with the right mindset–it takes time. Holistic healing should take longer than medication, as it’s solving the problem instead of taking away the symptoms.
I was doing acupuncture and herbs twice a week for about 7 months before I went to the fertility specialist. That was before I had really accepted that something was “wrong” (and was subsequently tagged with the PCOS label). I love acupuncture, but it got way too costly and I wasn’t seeing the results you’re getting (“full” energy–gotta be good).
Body, Soul, and Baby by Tracy Gaudet has some guided meditations for each stage of the pregnancy experience (which we will get to–so said my doctor today). It’s worth a look.
Looking forward to more updates!
-V.
Hi! 7 months, twice a week and nothing? No progress at all? Boo…You’re worrying me a little! What made you decide to ditch the acupuncture? Did your acupuncturist specialize in infertility? I understand taking time, but 7 months is quite a while…
He’s more of a general TCM doctor–I had used him a few years ago for crazy eczema and he helped me a lot. I think it’s better when they know what they’re dealing with–he was encouraging me to see a Western doctor to get a diagnosis, and then come back to see him, so I think you’re experience is going to be way better.
The cost was a big decider in stopping treatment, as well as my sanity. It was too much for me to have to go to these appointments twice a week, plus take nasty herbs (not a powder–whole herbs I had to boil down and then drink–barforama), and I wasn’t seeing a lot of change. My period is like clockwork, though, so my issues are just weeeeeiiiiiirrrrrddddd…and I kept crying in front of him and he kept saying how he pitied my husband because I was a “delicate flower”.