Okay, so I’m back on the wagon – I don’t wallow in my issues, usually. I’m not going to lie – I was a little bummed that it wasn’t what I thought it was, but I pick it up and keep it moving. Try again, right? To correct my B-12, I’m getting shots weekly to get my levels up. I reason that if I’m going to have a baby anyways, my levels need to be high. Low B-12 can lead to nerve issues in babies. I stopped taking my sinus medication in honor of being more drug free. Can’t take that while I’m pregnant either.
This month I have been reading obsessively about the big time fertility monitor: The Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor. I loved the lack of ambiguity. I wanted something to tell me to have sex on a particular day. Especially because the romance was quickly draining from my sex life. It was becoming a chore. My poor husband was tired. And shit, so was I.
I read every single review — positive and negative. Hundreds of them. I read all these reviews about people getting pregnant on the first try with the fertility monitor. That could be me, I thought. I was in amazing shape. I was eating healthy, taking the prenatal, all that. And I’m an achiever, remember? I was going to be posting my positive review next month, with a bun in the oven.
The thing was a couple hundred dollars. I was willing to pay thousands of dollars for a magic toy that would help me. I needed to get it within the first five days of my period, and ugly Aunt Flow had showed up the day before. I was determined to find the monitor elsewhere. Target? Out of stock, of course. CVS? Not even in that little locked up part of the pharmacy. Where else? I tried Wal-Mart. Why? I have no idea. I should have known better. According to the merchandise, the normal Wal-Mart consumer is obviously just worried about pregnancy testing and condoms. Not intentionally getting pregnant. If you can believe it, there were NO ovulation kits at all, let alone Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitors. I had to order off of Amazon. I got it quickly, and couldn’t wait to start using it.
My readings went like this:
CD6-8: Low
CD9-19: High
CD20: Low
I never got a peak reading. I was still not worried. We were having sex a few times during the high. And some people got highs all their first month and still got pregnant. No problem. I started backing up with my leftover fertility strips, in case I missed my ovulation day by mistake. (Crazy women cover all bases, you know.) And then on CD 23, something happened. The OPKs started to be positive. And they stayed that way. Until CD40. No period.
I wasn’t feeling particularly different. I had some strange cramps, and a little fatigue. I was so excited. I had been reading that some people’s ovulation tests showed pregnancy before the tests. So why weren’t the damn pregnancy sticks turning positive? I called the hotline for the OPKs. They said to check again for pregnancy. I felt like I was going in circles. I was singlehandedly keeping First Response in business. Negative again, several days after my period was due. And negative again a few days later.
I emailed Dr. NoHelpAtAll. He said a positive OPK meant a high LH, which could be a sign of PCOS. I had no idea what that meant. I was starting to get nervous. I called Dr. Dipshit’s office for an appointment for a blood test, because they could get me in the quickest. What the hell…
LESSONS LEARNED: Keep it moving. Even fancy equipment isn’t 100%. Having hope does not mean being blind to the reality. If something seems strange, check it out. Try, try again.
F!@$ You Infertility! 